i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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