umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i think my cat just said my name.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
