I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
