the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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