is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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