wanna go halves on a baby?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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