I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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