He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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