Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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