I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
