i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
