the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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