We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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