i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
