apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
50% drunk capacity currently
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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