he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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