I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
