I'm really into asian looking animals
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
