I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
