When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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