I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize