Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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