Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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