He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
