so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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