I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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