I need to stop coming to work sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
