it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
