Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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