I puked a lego.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
