Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
