I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Farmville is her only friend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
false alarm, still single
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize