Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
