i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
