Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
