peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
