I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
