Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
