respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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