Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize