Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
