This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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