is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your penis caused this!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
