end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
