then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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