Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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