You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize