i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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