I hate your face
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
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