Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
sex in a hospital.. check
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
