I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
