so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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