It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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