So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
