i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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