You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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