My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize