Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
