So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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