her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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