Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
