She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
