It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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