look no pants
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can I color on your dick again?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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