someone owes me an orgasm
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
