I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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