if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
