I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
