Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
