She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize