i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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