i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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