help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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