He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize