it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
