i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
