you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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