her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
