I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
