toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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