No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
