ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
