Its about making memories worth repressing
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
