A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
