i need an iv and a liver transplant
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize