Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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