i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
