the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
