I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
