It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
