Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This baby is an asshole
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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