I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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