I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
