I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
