Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
