My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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