Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
