I just cut my nipple shaving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
