Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
