True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
