omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
