you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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