when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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