toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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