you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize