it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
