After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
