When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
