I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
