I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
